Commentary: All You Need Is Love

We could all use a little bit more love. Yesterday it came to my attention just how painfully obvious this is.

When we first entered college, we were all sort of dropped off on the front steps of Virginia Tech with this odd expectation that we can take care of ourselves. Suddenly, in those few minutes before your parents leave you, you become an adult. It’s that same sort of odd feeling you get on your birthday when you realize you’re a whole year older. Nothing feels different, but you know something has changed.

We become responsible for ourselves and unfortunately, that can mean a lot more than just dressing yourself and making your own lunch. In between classes and homework and job schedules and organizational meetings, we all of a sudden have this overbearing responsibility to figure out who we are, too. Do I fit in here? Who am I? What kinds of people do I need to surround myself with?

We all know someone who came to college and reinvented their image. Katelyn suddenly became Kate and she lost her glasses and told everyone she was a tennis star in high school. Bobby and Robbie are now Bob and Rob and as you watch everyone else change, you feel like maybe you should, too. After all, college has so many people and so many unique opportunities that there must be something there for you.

Not always. Or at least, you don’t always feel that way. Yesterday I found out my younger brother may be taking a leave of absence his first semester at New York University. A leave of absence gives him the option to come back if he wants, he doesn’t have to reapply, but he made it very clear yesterday, “I’m never coming back.” This was a huge surprise coming from a kid who’s attending his dream school, right in the heart of New York City, and accepted into the top undergraduate business program in the nation. But he feels out of place and he’s exhausted and he’s tired of trying. Those aren’t his words, but that’s what I got from my conversation with him.

I couldn’t help but wonder: what is it that makes us feel at home? What is it that keeps us here even when we don’t want to be? I absolutely hated my first semester here and I wanted to transfer more than anything. To be completely honest, I’m not sure that I love Virginia Tech now. But I’ve found a lot of good people to share my time here with and it’s made everything a lot more worthwhile.

We can’t go through life alone, but we don’t want just anyone next to us either. We can make friends for the sake of having friends, but that’s not always enough. We need people who we can really connect with, people who share our experiences. My brother said everyone at school is from the north, rich and white—three things he is not (except for the white thing, he’s half white). He’s made friends, but when he tells me stories of Coco, a Philadelphia born wannabe socialite with a driver who takes her to class, I know he can’t really relate to her. 

“New York is exhausting. I need to come home.”

I cried when I heard him tell me and I don’t know why. I don’t want him to come home; I want him to find his place there. That’s his dream school and they’re all taking it away from him—all of those kids who can’t connect to him.

But the truth is, it’s not their fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. He’s not a loser, he has friends, but he just can’t find his niche. He just can’t find his home away from home. I guess it’s hard for me to explain to him my experience. I grew up in Blacksburg and I went to school in Blacksburg. I didn’t make much of a change and I definitely didn’t move from a country town to a big city. I wanted to, but somehow I ended up here.

He’s the smarter one and he got into my dream school. My dream school became his dream school and he had the grades and the SAT scores and he got in and he made it happen. I hate to think that he hasn’t found his place and that it’s so exhausting he wants to give up.

But I guess that’s how life is. It is so important for us to find someone to share our lives with, whether it is a friend, a boyfriend, a spouse, or a relative. We all need someone. And when we don’t have that someone, everything else suddenly becomes so hard.

Part of Planet Blacksburg’s mission is to get students published.  Some our content comes from guest writers and from articles written for class by non-member students.  The views expressed by these “Contributing Writers” are solely those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of Planet Blacksburg as an organization.