Ethics Committee Finds Footsies Unfitting

The verdict is finally in from the Senate Ethics Committee on Sen. Larry Craig’s conduct last year in an airport men’s room; an event that had Senate members shuffling their feet (at least one of them literally) to find a proper response.

The committee said Wednesday that Craig brought discredit on the Senate with his improper actions, according to a USA Today report. Craig’s attempt to withdraw his guilty plea once the scandal became public was also denounced by the committee. Plenty of other things were mentioned in the committee’s letter to the senator, including improper usage of campaign funds to pay legal bills and admonishment of Craig’s attempt at trying to receive special treatment because of his Congressional status.

Craig’s pitiful attempts at denying his wrongdoings bring disgrace on the Senate. He says the undercover officer at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport misinterpreted his hand and foot movements as a solicitation for sex. Really? And how does one interpret a game of bathroom footsies for anything else? Let’s try to understand this through a real-life example.

You’re speeding down the road going 80 in a 55, singing “Sexual Healing” or “Let’s Get It On,” when a police officer pulls you over. The strapping young man, tobacco in one cheek, a scar on the other, waddles up to your car, peering at you through aviator sunglasses (though he’s never been in an airplane) and asks for your license and registration. You give him the finger. Yeah, you know the one.

Of course, the police officer misinterprets your hand signal. Poor you. Heck, you might even be frightened enough to admit guilt, and then you’d probably want to take it back when your mother found out. The point is — it’s difficult to misinterpret blatant signals, especially in the men’s room.

Of course, the real irony comes in here because Craig is a Republican. But gay Republicans don’t exist, do they? It seems some Republicans are as disillusioned as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. In the party of the mostly conservative, how could one who enjoys sex with the same sex slide into such a high position as senator?

Well, you see, this is just one of those anomalies, a once-in-a-lifetime situation, something that doesn’t come around very often to compromise Republican ideals — well, except for former Rep. Mark Foley. And the Rev. Ted Haggard. And former Florida House member Bob Allen. And former National Chairman of the Young Republicans Glenn Murphy, Jr.

Note that all those names have the word former in front of them, yet Craig still has not resigned. Perhaps that’s just being picky, but it seems the values many compassionate conservatives in the Republican Party hold so dearly just are not the values of all party members. In short, both of the prominent parties have members with diverse backgrounds, and it is time leaders begin realizing this and start worrying less about personal decisions and more about national crises such as war in Iraq and the economy.

Nothing excuses Craig’s actions, regardless of his inability to admit he is gay. Being gay is not something for Congress to judge whether is right or wrong, but illegally soliciting sex is. Craig should own up to his actions because he has lost credibility with the Senate and the American people. The Republican Party must own up to its own problems from within and once again become a party that addresses the real problems in this country.

After reading the ethics committee’s letter, if Craig still thinks anyone believes him, then perhaps he has an argument for being ignorant enough to confuse foreplay with footsies.