Let’s Get Ready To RUMBLE!

Welcome to the wonderful world of political boxing. This week we’ll be looking at two presidential hopefuls in what is bound to be an exciting round of meaningless verbal attacks, idiotic staged media events, and creative, yet wacky accusations as these two go head-to-head in a dog-eat-dog battle for that Oval office.

In this corner, weighing in at 170 pounds we have Senator Barack Obama – wide eyed, bushy tailed, and ready to fight tooth and nail. And in the other corner, weighing in at – wait, should we tell her weight? Anyway, there’s Senator Hillary Clinton ready to “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee” in order to re-gain that master bedroom in the White House she’s missed ever so much.

It looks like the referee just finished giving each candidate the rules of the fight. And what do you know? Obama is refusing to shake Clinton’s hand! “I’m still not falling for that ‘hand of partnership,’” Obama screams as he smacks Clinton’s hand down. The referee yells, “Leeeeeeeeeeets get ready to rumbleeeeeeeeeeee!” There’s the bell, and the fight is on.

Ouch, Clinton comes out fighting as she yells at Obama, “PLAGIARIST!” And Obama comes back yelling, “Bosnia! Bosnia! BOSNIA!”

Looks like Bill Clinton just got in trouble for hollering from the ropes, “Wait a minute! She was in danger! That’s a low blow, Obama!” Bill might want to step back from the ropes before he hurts Hillary’s chances of winning this fight. That must have fired Clinton up, because it looks like she just came back at Obama with an uppercut-type statement.

You guessed right, folks. Clinton just ran up in Obama’s face and asked, “How’s Reverend Wright doing, huh?”

Oh, but wait! Obama just came back with a stinger, saying, “Ask Bill. I saw him with the Rev. and Monica at the Dairy Queen. You remember Monica, right? Monica Lewisnky?” And the crowd is going crazy.

Looks like Bill is trying to climb in the ring again. What’s that he’s yelling? “Hillary, you know that’s a lie! I haven’t been back to the DQ since that last YouTube video when we agreed I was putting on a few pounds.”

Obama is coming back for more. Can you believe he just looked at Clinton and said, “What’s wrong, Hillary? Are you going to cry? Or is that not part of the strategy this week?” Oh my goodness! Ladies and gentlemen, Obama is fighting dirty tonight!

And what do you know, here comes Bill again, trying to get in the ring. He keeps yelling at Obama, “At least she’s always been proud to be an American!” You have to admit, that was pretty crafty. But really! When is Bill going to realize that this is not his fight!

Looks like Clinton is a little flustered. She’s stammering through her next statement. “Well….well….well, at least I can bowl!”

Obama comes back quick with a rebuttal, “At least I don’t have to pay guys to drink beer with me just for a photo and publicity!” Ouch! It seems like Obama just keeps knocking Clinton down. But we’ve all noticed that she’s not one to give up on a fight, even if the outcome doesn’t look too good for her.

Wait, is Bill holding up a stereo now? What is that song playing? It’s…it’s the theme song to Rocky! Looks like Clinton just got an energy boost because she’s jumping all over the place like a crazy woman! She just yelled at Obama, “I’ve got 35 years of experience, Obama! I’m about change! Can you top that?”

Obama doesn’t seem to be too flustered. He has actually just turned and walked away from Clinton. Is he leaving the ring? No…he’s hyping up the audience! I can’t believe it! Obama has the whole crowd chanting, “YES WE CAN!” He’s just turned back to Clinton, with his arms crossed and yells, “Top that!”

Right on cue – there’s Bill again, trying to jump in the ring. It looks like the referee has had enough. He just stepped in, rang the bell, and ended the fight. Clinton is disqualified. There she goes, stepping out of the ring, but not before looking back at Obama and saying, “I’ll be back!”

I guess she’s Arnold Schwarzenegger this week. Wait, Arnold the actor or Arnold the governor? And I thought she was supposed to be Rocky? Oh well, we’ll just have to ponder that until next time. That’s all for the wonderful world of political boxing tonight. Catch you on CNN at the next issue-less fight…I mean debate.