Hey, GOP - Keep Your Day Jobs
By Ryan Call
March 5, 2009
I didn't need some fancy panel from the National Bureau of Economic Research to tell me what I already knew back in December. After standing in a twenty-five minute ticket line followed by a twenty minute wait in the snack line at the movies on a Wednesday, I knew--the United States was in a recession. Now the movie industry is booming as the economy is tanking, the box offices had their best sales for a January in history a couple of months ago raking in over $1 billion.
What's the explanation for this? Many experts say the reason is because people want not only entertainment but an escape from reality. I've got some advice for those people as the economy gets rougher: save the ten bucks(over twenty if you load up on all the concession stand goodies and thirty if you're lucky enough to have a date)and instead just sit back and watch the GOP for free. You'll get the entertainment and the escape from reality.
Oh where to start where to start? After brainstorming for examples of comically outrageous things the Republican Party has said or done over the past month for this article, my list may have trumped Santa's in length this year(again, only because of the bummer economy).
Alright well here to kick things off at the Elephant Club Comedy Hour is Chip Saltsman. A little known Tennessee Republican who ran Mike Huckabee's failed presidential bid is going to sing a song from the Christmas CD he sent out to members of the Republican National Committee entitled "Barack the Magic Negro". Break a leg Chip. This guy was a candidate for the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee so we know the rest of his competitors for the job had to be equally funny--and they were.
South Carolina Republican Katon Dawson finished second in the race for the most daunting job in America--not President or Treasury Secretary--the chairman of the RNC. His task? Figuring out how the Republicans are going to win elections after losing ground in voting results from 2008 compared with 2004 in a whopping forty-seven states.
Dawson finished second to Maryland's Michael Steele. So what's deliciously funny about that? Just months before losing out to Steele----the first African American to ever hold the RNC chairmanship--Dawson resigned from his twelve year membership at Forest Lake Country Club--you know, one of those common whites-only country clubs that are so 1960's.
Then there is Steele himself. The Republicans proudly touting the man as their Barack Obama. To attract younger voters, and really this kind of stuff couldn't even make it into a movie script on account of being too unbelievable, Steele said he is planning an "off the hook" public relations campaign by applying the party's values to "urban-suburban hip-hop settings." Then in executing that "off the hook" public relations campaign at the Conservative Political Action Conference(CPAC) last week, an event that could have an article of satire all on its own, Steele in trying to gain back some credibility from the voters said, "Tonight we tell America, we know of the past,we know we did wrong..." yes, Chairman? "My bad." Eloquent.
Speaking of the GOP's version of Barack Obama leads us to the runner up in the comedy competition--Rush Limbaugh excluded of course because he would always win. The GOP has also compared Louisiana Gov. Mr. Rogers, excuse me, Bobby Jindal to their own version of Obama--undoubtably an up and coming star in the party. Gov. Jindal delivered the Republican response to President Obama's address to Congress last week that left those on the left and the right with their jaws dropped. The only conservative pundit that even defended the guy was indeed comedian Rush Limbaugh, like I said, he would win every time.
Maybe it was a tough act to follow but if you had the pleasure of watching Jindal's speech you were probably wondering the same thing I was--who in the world is this guy talking to? Is there a group of kindergartners sitting in front of him that the camera isn't showing. When Jindal smiled and said, "Let me tell you a story" I swore he was going to break out singing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood."
Anyway, since we're only talking about the comedic delivery aspect of the speech, we'll ignore the fact that the story Jindal told about his conversation with the sheriff during Hurricane Katrina was actually a complete fabrication--yep, from the land of make believe. Jindal appropriately followed up this disastrous night by taking his family to on an escape to Disney World or as Fox News's Carl Cameron reported as the reason why Jindal skipped CPAC that week, "state business." Perhaps he was getting some pointers from Mickey Mouse.
The bottom line is, the list is endless. This is why I'm recommending tuning in to the GOP rather than burn your hard earned cash on a movie of less value in both comedy and that escape from reality everyone yearns so bad for.
I could go on, I could talk about Sen. Richard Shelby's assertion three months after the election that President Obama may not be a natural born citizen because he hasn't seen his birth certificate despite it being posted online but I won't because now he's losing his credibility.
I could talk about my own dear Congressman's attempt at humor when Eric Cantor released a vulgar ladened AFSME video as his response to the press to take a shot at unions(this and the Jindal speech can be found on Youtube and I highly recommend them both)but he's already paying the price in the slipping of his approval ratings.
I could talk about California Mayor Dean Grose's picture he sent out of the White House with a crop of watermelons growing on the lawn but he's now decided to step down.
I could talk about Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol declaring on Fox News that "abstinence isn't realistic" but her mother is already taking serious political hits because of the comment by her base in abstinence only education groups.
My point is this--from imaginary Marsh Mice money in the stimulus to an invisible rail from Sen. Harry Reid's Las Vegas to Los Angeles to a porn star running against an adulterous Congressman in a Republican primary to the GOP embarrassing fumbling of Twitter to Judd Gregg's hypocrisy--at some point what was once the comedy of the GOP turns sad, pathetic, and detrimental to the country.
So when I say, " Hey GOP: Keep your day jobs" I actually mean go
ahead and quit your actual day jobs because while watching your service is
indeed better and cheaper than going to a funny movie, at least the movie is
usually fiction.
Comments (19)
Why are you so fucking dumb? If you don't understand something you shouldn't blog about it. Read a few more books and then you might get what's going on with the economy jerk off. Have a wonderful day.
CEEJ | March 6, 2009 3:36 PMCEEJ,
I think Ryan deserves a better review than that.
Look at all the thought he put in to this.
Ryan,
Nate | March 6, 2009 4:10 PMYou get mixed reviews, at best.
There is marginal merit to about 1 in 5 of your statements.
This is nearly twice the average for a liberal, so good job.
If you are going to be ignorant, it is better not to be so verbose.
You have our pity.
Who are the two repiglican tools that complained about this? This was a great article that succinctly described the national travesty that is The repiglican party and conservatism. Kudos Ryan
sleeper | March 6, 2009 6:25 PMFirst of all, full-disclosure: I'm a Canadian. I saw Obama's "hypnotic" press conference, where he "ummed" and "uhhed" his way though and referred to our Capital as "Iowa" (in fairness, he also seems to think his country has "57 states"). Even our fuddy "President" (Obama's words), Stephen Harper, seemed 'electrifying' by comparison. Instead of worrying about Obama's supposed hypnotic skills, Republicans should wonder if the purple-lipped president is having transient ischemic attacks. (If Joe Biden has another aneurysm, Hillary Clinton MAY get her wish...)
My point is that the media, who were major donors to Obama's campaign, can't be though of as an 'objective, reliable' source. The coverage of the One has taken on Pravdaesque silliness. (I'm sorry, but 52% of the vote does not constitute a "landslide" victory...) The REAL left (Adbusters, Z Magazine, &c.) is simply too intoxicated with the notion of a 'Black President' to challenge or criticise Obama's administration.
Obama was bought and paid-for by folks like the National Association of Broadcasters and Microsoft. the NAB hopes Obama's FCC will overturn the Bush FCC's whitespace decision. Microsoft is gloating over the twenty BILLION dollar porkbarrel medical records programme. Just a bit of Canadian political history for you, here. Our previous Liberal government, who got large campaign donations from the likes of Honeywell, created the two billion dollar sinkhole of the Federal Gun Registry. Guess who got the IT contract to run this database? The Gun Registry was only supposed to cost 20 million...Imagine what Obama's project will end up costing you?
Contrary to what the Obama-boosting media say (and FactCheck, funded by Obama's former employer claim), there has NOT been evidence given that proves Obama was born in the U.S. That scanned thing posted on the FightTheSmears site has numerous inconsistencies (e.g., the use of the term 'African', rather than 'Negro', a redacted number, manipulated border). Obama's caginess about releasing the BIRTH CERTIFICATE (not the Certificate Of Live Birth) is puzzling, given how candid he was about things like his cocaine use. This is VERY important, given Hawaii's idiosynchratic laws (allowing persons born OUTSIDE the country to be registered as having been born in the U.S.). Spending nearly a million dollars to prevent the release of this (HI Governor-sealed) document is a serious red flag. Demanding that Obama release this document isn't 'crazy' at all.
Adam C. Sieracki | March 6, 2009 6:57 PMInteresting that the first two posters were reduced to mere name calling and cursing. Neither one of them said what was wrong.
Where were the "1 in 5 statement with marginal merit"?
What books should the writer have read...I don't see how reading any books had anything to do with what the article was about, perhaps you didn't read it. There was next to nothing in the article talking about the economy, rather, the bizarre reactions and actions that the Republicans have made...
I may give the guy a break, he even left out numberous easy shots at Palin from the election.
And I believe members of the RNC are now calling for Steele's resignation...so if anything, he was a bit on point about that.
So instead of coming on here and spewing ignorance and hate, why aren't your critiques based around actual facts?
Patrick | March 6, 2009 7:55 PMResponse _ Obama recent "news placement" in several of the MSM outlets
I thank the citizens portrayed in your “news placement†for the courage to stand up and ask the tough questions for all of us. While I at first may not have agreed I respect, and defend their right and obligation to do such.
Your news story content is rather disappointing and clearly not reflecting good journalism to say the least! I beg the MSM to serve the citizens and our country by digging into this critical issue. We desperately need subsequent rigorous reporting the facts as they lay out. From the brief scan of the international press we have a lot of very diverse legal activity in process concerning this issue including many Officers of our US Military up to SCOTUS! Further the SCOTUS has side stepped any position so far sighting standing. Well I venture the latest round of individuals has a lot of standing as injured parties.
Will Frank | March 6, 2009 8:13 PMApparently this has flushed out Mr. Obama and his henchmen to go on the attack. However he has been reported to have made a grave error in tactics and strategy in doing so! Now given the approach of this “news placement†I ask Mr. Obama are you a Usurper or are you our POTUS? Yes or No?
Rule 5 for revolutionaries and radicals dedicates that a person that questions and or challenges (performing critical thinking) be marginalized and demonized. Further that the fundamental issue be distorted and reflected back inverted plus spin. Well this “news placement†is a classic case of such concerning those loyal American Citizens and citizens that subscribe to our Constitutional Republic with a representative democracy under the rule of law. Moreover subscribe to the constitutional requirements for POTUS. Have The MSM and Mr. Obama gone out of their way to game the game and behave in a passive aggressive manner since the primarily and general election refusing to provide the fundamental information?. Yes, has the juice been applied and the fix might be in with the ruling class? If yes that is not enough to halt this speculation or worst.. I continue to hope that he - Obama can get this issue out of the way following the rule of law and get on with the important duties of POTUS. However if he is not qualified and hence is in fact a Usurper then I suggest that he / Obama make a decision to depart the office of POTUS and save his country (I hope it is really his country), party and congress at large the embarrassment of trials and hearings. That is he might decide for health reasons or what ever face saving story and just quietly leave. The wheels of justice grin rather slowly but they do grind exceeding fine (Leo D & Orly are both back). May God Bless America and give us strength to save our Republic with critical thinking under the rule of law and not the rule of men or bullets.
Will Frank...
What?
huh | March 6, 2009 8:31 PMYou point out many colorful characters to keep an eye on. The list is long (though getting shorter with every election).
Jeff | March 7, 2009 2:03 AMMy great state of Minnesota proudly has our own cast of characters. Congresswoman Michelle Bachman is an endless source of hilarity. Governor Tim (no new taxes, but fees are not taxes)Pawlentyofnothin is equally worthless but does not have the same penchant for the outrageous as michelle.
Isn't it great watching the repuglicans implode?
Ryan- I think you should write a commentary on Rush Limbaugh, as he has recently been my favorite source of entertainment :)
RAH | March 7, 2009 12:32 PMThe new tactic of the minions:
George | March 9, 2009 3:43 PMAttack people who don't check in with the media or the DNC to find out what their opinions should be.
Attack those people that a judge could not easily say ‘has no standing’.
A constitutional matter such as this is too important to allow apathy to win the day.
The ‘wingnuts and ‘foil hatters’ will gradually present the judiciary with every class of living human being until they admit that there is no form of life that ‘has standing’.
What a sorry excuse for failing to uphold the constitution.
But liberal judges can always count on the loud minority for support.
Outstanding commentary, Ryan. I love how the very same sort of people you point out in this article post comments in the same ridiculous, name-calling fashion without actually making any points or proving anything you said incorrect. It's because they can't, and it makes them so very angry. All of this means they will likely go out and do something stupid, but we already knew that would happen, eh?
JD | March 11, 2009 7:56 AMOutstanding?
Thomas | March 11, 2009 3:30 PMJD, please.
Perhaps in the sense that it is clearly set apart in some way.
I don't see any value in empty criticism, but it seems a sad irony to me that JD misses the empty critical content of the article, but finds it in some of the responses.
More thinking
More Praying.
Less mocking.
We will all be better off.
Hey everyone,
I appreciate the feedback...both the friendly and the not so friendly.
Here's some updates...
Sources are reporting that after March's 31st special NY-20 election Katon Dawson is gathering for a vote of no confidence against Michael Steele to take the chairmanship away...
As for the person who commented on Michelle Bachman...I suppose I should have put her in the article but she's more insane than she is funny. I was disappointed and surprised when Minnesotans couldn't get Tinklenberg over the hump in November after her slip up on Hardball and then follow up lying...
GOP continues to diss Rush in the MSM but then run to call into his show the next day and beg for foregiveness...
And basically, if you look at most of the polling out there it says in numerical expressions what this article does--that the GOP needs a major makeover, their ideas are unpopular, their approval ratings are horrific, and has basically turned into a regional party of the South.
I don't see this as "empty criticism"--I wrote it for a laugh but at the same time every word of it is based around undeniable facts. And if it is your opinion that you think there is nothing out of the ordinary with my examples and anecdotes then...well..you're entitled to that opinion.
That's all for now!
Ryan | March 11, 2009 7:41 PMRyan,
George | March 11, 2009 8:41 PMEmpty criticism doesn't change definition on my say-so or yours.
It may be fun or even true.
Still, the primary purpose seems to have been to belittle others for entertainment or some form of satisfaction.
What's wrong with this country?
It's not the conservatives, liberals, Dems, GOP, MSM, etc.
It's the quick and unhelpful negativity.
True or not, there are many who will agree, and spread the bad word.
Hurt and anger are rarely the goal, but often the result.
You can do so much better.
We all can.
Wasn't it ~ 8 years ago (and 12 years ago) that the MSM was questioning the future viability of the Democratic Party?
Thomas | March 11, 2009 8:56 PMSadly, one of the historical truths is that the 'in control' bunch (whoever they are) soon abuses the confidence of the people and they pay dearly within 2 years.
Past cycles reached this point in 1 to 3 years.
This one seems to be measured in weeks.
I hope we can keep Rush, Obama, Pelosi, and Steele off the TV for another couple of days. The market can use the boost :-)
Gotta add keepin Geithner off that list of people off TV for the market's sake. Of course, what does that say about the stock market in general that a select group of people can dramatically effect it so much by what they say...I wouldn't say it's the most reliable indicator.
No doubt someone could write an article compiling funny/pathetic moments and people of the Democratic Party as well...I chose the Repubs because...well...all you have to do is read the article to see why. You don't have to be a Democrat to find it funny and admit to the sad state that the GOP is in...
Of course I know they'll come bouncing back in a cycle or two...I'm not going to get into a big policy debate on the comments section on Planetblacksburg.com, that's not really what the article was about. But I'll stick by my earlier comment that right now the only repubs in power are on the right wing and they're going to need some reform to get back to winning elections...that's very clear.
Ryan | March 11, 2009 10:30 PMhttp://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/3/13/10202/0128/1020/707847
funny
Jim | March 13, 2009 12:13 PMReading this article today reminded me of reading this one a few weeks back...
looks like Mr.Call had some insight after all
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/13/opinion/13krugman.html?_r=1
Ted | April 13, 2009 12:47 PMWhile all the liberals in Blacksburg (and the media) may agree with you, the world beyond Virginia Tech is not so one-sided.
Step out of the classroom and into the real world. Think beyond how your liberal professors have told you to think. Then you might really understand that your empty critisms aren't as widely accepted as you might believe.
Anonymous | September 10, 2009 9:19 AMPost a comment