Conference Says Women Must Learn What Makes For A Healthy Relationship

April 29, 2009

Unless women understand what constitutes a healthy relationship, it will not be for them to have one.

That was one of the key messages delivered during a presentation on domestic violence, relationship violence and sexual assault put on The Women's Resource Center of the New River Valley Monday in Virginia Tech's Squires Colonial Hall.

The presentation consisted of three speakers, each with something different to share. Meghan Weyrens Kuhn, the judicial coordinator, began by introducing the health advocates of Virginia Tech. She explained that these women are volunteers who go through training at the Women's Center in order to provide advocacy and support to students in need.

Kuhn then had the audience participate in an activity that split into groups of four. Each group had to think of different ideas and perspectives on the Chris Brown assault on Rihanna. One group thought of the music industry's perspective on the issue. Another group thought of CoverGirl's perspective on the issue, since Rihanna is a spokeswoman for the company. Another group thought of the perspective of women who have been in the same kind a situation. Finally, the last group thought of men's perspectives on the issue.

The first group decided that the music industry would suffer from the situation, but ultimately, it would not affect the music. One member of the group said, "People aren't just going to stop dancing to Chris Brown's songs at a party."

 The second group decided that a CoverGirl is "an independent woman who is a role model." The group said that they do not believe that it is OK to promote Rihanna as a role model to young girls since she went back to Brown after the altercation.

The third group said that it is probably discouraging to women who have been abused in the past that Rihanna went back to Brown.

The last group said that they think that men's opinions vary. They said that they believe that there are some males who think that the situation is OK. They also said that they believe that there are men who think that it is never OK to hit a woman.  

After the activity, Kuhn explained that abuse is not only physical, but it can also be sexual or mental.

Diane Diaz, a sexual assault services coordinator, then shared personal stories of all three different kinds of abuse. She said that she has been physically, sexually and mentally abused by people, including her parents, other family members and men.

 "Until you learn what a healthy relationship is, you're never going to have one," she said.

 Diaz told the audience to look out for red flags of any potential abuse in any relationship.

 Finally, she said, "Most importantly, love and respect yourself. If you don't, then others will not either."

Christine Dennis Smith, the co-director of counseling, shared two graphs: a healthy relationship graph and an unhealthy relationship graph.

In the healthy relationship graph, everything stemmed from equality. Factors such as responsible parenting, trust, support, negotiation, fairness, respect, love, honesty, accountability, economic partnership and non-threatening behavior resulted in a non-violent relationship.

In the unhealthy relationship graph, everything stemmed from power and control. Factors such as isolation, emotional abuse, threats, intimidation, minimizing blaming and money resulted in physical and sexual violence.

 Finally, Smith asked the audience think of a time when someone held power and control over them. She also asked everyone think about who they told and who they did not tell and why. She then explained that women who are in those kinds of situations are very concerned with being judged, believed and supported.

Through this activity, Smith emphasized the fact that there is support for women who have gotten into abusive situations.  

 Annie Silverwood, a health advocate for her sorority, said she became a health advocate so that she can be a liaison between the Women's Center and her sorority when anyone needs help. She said that she attends meetings every other Monday for two hours. She also said she finds being a health advocate a very rewarding experience because she gets the chance to help her sorority sisters.

Sophomore, Ashley Pritchett, said she took away a lot more from the presentation than she expected. She said she came to the presentation to learn more about becoming a health advocate for her sorority. She said she was hoping to gain information about the program, but also really enjoyed hearing the personal stories that the speakers shared.

Pritchett said, "Some of the stories were very emotional, but in the end, I felt hopeful that women's centers are making a difference for women."