Date-Challenged In Blacksburg? Here's The Advice

It’s 4 o’clock on a Friday, and you’re shifting your weight impatiently as you await your faithful chariot, the Blacksburg Transit. The driver pulls up to the curb and you flash him your Hokie Passport as you step aboard. Looking up, you lock eyes with the girl you’ve been seeing. You’re supposed to go out tonight, but you have no idea where to take her.

Your relationship is still in that fragile, “don’t-call-me-your-boyfriend-but-still text-me-everyday” stage, and you’re freaking out. But do not despair! Here is a foolproof date-night for you and your lady from some local pros. (What makes them pros is the exact thing that you may be lacking, a bit of confidence. And why not be confident? Dating simply isn't that difficult.)

The first thing you do is take her to the Lyric to watch whatever indie, low-budget film they’re playing. “It’s actually a really nice theater,” said Alex Mann. “It’s got a great feel to it. However, because it only costs $5 for your ticket you’re going to have to splurge on the jumbo sized popcorn and soda in order not to appear cheap.”

Now, you’ve set yourself up for an easy couple of hours. This movie-watching practice protects you from awkward silences because you’re not supposed to talk; you’re supposed to watch a movie. But seeing as the movie is over now, ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat.

“Take her to Cabo Fish Taco,” said Nelson Ward. “It’s a Blacksburg favorite, the setting is casual and the atmosphere is fun. Plus, it was on ‘Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,’ which you should be sure to mention because, she’ll find it interesting that you watch Food Network and two, you’ll win points because she probably does too.”

Now should your dinner conversation take a turn for the worse, fear not. This momentary lull can be overcome by a quick reference to the horrible movie you both just endured. Use this comment to segue into your own version of ”Rotten Tomatoes Movie Reviews.”

Supposing that you’re a normal guy whose mind works in a normal fashion, something during this movie-talk will give you an idea for a new topic, and if all else fails just start asking her random questions. “Girls like it when guys want to get to know them,” said Katherine Thomas. “People are just good at talking about themselves. It comes naturally to them.”

So, make sure to tell her it’s her turn after you ask her a particularly good one. Also keep in mind, if your answers are cliché, they aren’t going to hold her interest. “Say something weird when she asks you what your favorite smell is,” said Mann. “Don’t say a lame cologne brand; say burning leaves in the fall or the smell of rain in the spring.” Well, well—look at you, being so deep. You’ve got her hooked. It’s time to reel her on in.

This time, when you get in the car, don’t ask her what she wants to do. You’re going to surprise her. “Drive over to campus,” said Mann, “and park your car in Cassell Lot. Open her door. Grab her hand and the two blankets out of the trunk.” Yes, two. One for her and one for you, because you’re not trying to seduce her…yet. “Walk her down to the quad of your choice and lay out the blankets.”

Luckily, you’re an intelligent guy, and you know a few things about the night sky, and if you’re not, and you don’t, it’s good that fellow pro, Thomas does. “In that case, remember that the red dot is Mars, the greenish one is Venus, the big cluster of murky stars is Andromeda—the closest galaxy to our own, stars twinkle and planes are blue, red, and fast-moving.” That’s right sir, you’re quite impressive with your astronomical knowledge now.

Now, hopefully it's chilly outside tonight, and you need to huddle together for warmth. However, that probably isn’t the case, and you’re best bet is simply putting your arm around her shoulder. Try to keep this up for at least an hour, or until she starts falling asleep.

At that point, suggest you take her home. She’ll agree, for it is getting rather late after all. Drive her home, and walk her to the door like your mother always hoped you would.

This last part is crucial, so listen carefully. “You’ve got to assess the situation at the door,” said Ward. “If she’s looking you in the eye when you pull away from the goodbye hug, go in for it.” Yes, the goodnight kiss. Don’t get carried away, testosterone; it’s just a peck.

Linger about three blessed seconds and then quickly bid her farewell. Thank her for coming out with you, and if you’ve done as the pros have directed, she’ll text you as soon as her door closes.