Take the Mystery Out of the Catholic Ceremony
by Nicole DeSonia

“Catholic Christians believe that marriage is a sacrament of the church, just the same way that ordination is a sacrament of the Church,” said Reverend Richard Mooney, Campus Minister of the Newman Community, the Catholic campus ministry at Virginia Tech.  “It’s something someone is called to as much, as if not more so, than as one chooses.”

But for something so sacred and rich with tradition, it is often very confusing.  People often believe some of the common misconceptions that deal with Catholic marriages. Whether people learn these misconceptions through the media or from their peers, people don’t know what is right and what is wrong.

Here are five common misconceptions dealing with Catholic weddings that should be cleared up.

1. Pick the wedding date first, and then go find someone to officiate.

This is exactly the wrong way to do things.  You should always find the priest first, before you do anything else.

The priest has the final decision as to whether you can get married in the Catholic church or not.  They are the ones who ascertain whether the couple is free to marry; no one else can make that decision.  If the priest decides you are, then you sit down and pick a date.

Another reason, perhaps the most obvious, is that priests are busy people.  They have a schedule too.
“There are infinitely many more dates on the calendar than there are Catholic priests in the world,” Fr. Mooney said.

It would be a bad situation if all the planning was done and all the invitations were sent, and you didn’t have a priest to perform the ceremony.

“If you want to de-stress the whole thing, do things in their proper order,” Fr. Mooney said.

2. You can only marry in the Catholic Church if both people are Catholic.

As long as either the bride or groom is Catholic, you can marry in the Catholic Church.

The other person doesn’t even have to be baptized.

“About 90% of the weddings I do here, in Virginia, are between Catholic and someone of a different faith, or no faith,” said Reverend James M. Arsenault, Pastor at Saint Mary’s Catholic Church in Blacksburg.

If the wedding is going to be performed in the Catholic Church, the Catholic party has two responsibilities.  They must continue to practice their faith and they must promise to baptize and raise their children Catholic.

This promise can’t go against the other person’s conscience.

3. “Let’s get married next month!”

This really isn’t possible in the Catholic Church.  The Catholic Church favors engagements of over six months and less then a year.

“All marriage is is a set of promises two people make to each other, nothing more and nothing less,” said Fr. Mooney.

The engagement period is there to make sure you have the ability to keep the promises you will make, and that the promises would be valid.

The Catholic Church feels that this takes at least six months.  And anything over a year adds even more stress to the marriage.

4. The best man and the maid of honor are really just there to throw you your bachelor and bachelorette parties

 The best man and the maid of honor are actually your official witnesses to the sacrament of marriage.  They are there to testify that the couple has never been married before.  They are also there to support the union.

Catholic law says that the best man has to be male and the maid of honor has to be female, but they don’t need to be catholic or even baptized.

Your best man and maid of honor can be changed at any time.  So, if you chose someone that is in the military and they get deployed and can’t make the wedding and fulfill their responsibilities, you can chose someone else to take their place.

5. “I want to get married outside.”

“Most Roman Catholic priests absolutely hate outdoor weddings,” Fr Mooney said.

Many feel like this because the wedding is supposed to be all about the show, which is rich in tradition.  The tradition is to have the wedding where the church gathers and where people gather to pray together, for you.  This place is inside the church.

Plus, you take a on a huge risk when dealing with the weather, especially here in Blacksburg.

“I would say at least one-third of the weddings we have here [War Memorial Chapel on the campus of Virginia Tech] are Catholic,” said War Memorial Chapel Manager Jamie Williams.

War Memorial is a nondenominational, indoor chapel.

The absolute final decision as to the indoor or outdoor location of the ceremony lies with the priest performing the ceremony.