Dating With Distance The saying goes, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” But some question whether or not this philosophy can be applied to every situation. Transitioning to college life is a challenge in itself, but add to it the complexities that long-distance relationships entail, and the situation intensifies twofold. A long-distance relationship undoubtedly comes with many cons. However, there are often times just as many, if not more pros to this sometimes strenuous lifestyle many college students are involved in. To most college students, the definition of a “long-distance relationship,” is being committed to someone who is either attending a different university, or simply living somewhere else, putting many miles between them. Most often times the relationship did not start out as a long-distance one. Most college student’s long-distance relationships initially began as a normal commitment, with both members living in the same area. Often times the couple are high school sweethearts whose relationship then transitioned to the next phase, college life. If the relationship was founded and began with distance between it, the situation is not as rough. However, if the relationship did not start out that way, and has simply transitioned to become that, the consequences can sometimes become unbearable. Trust, one of the most integral aspects of a relationship can be tested in ways it normally wouldn’t, given a long-distance situation. With the development of a new group of friends and a new environment to live life in, maintaining 100 percent trust with your partner during college can become a challenge. Josh Zidenberg, a sophomore from the University of Virginia, is in his second year of being involved in a long-distance relationship. “A lot of times, wondering what that person is doing, who they are with, and sometimes not being able to get a hold of them while they are away is a really hard thing to deal with,” Zidenberg said. Even if both partners previously had full and complete trust in each other, and no reason for doubt, an idle mind along with speculation regarding a situation such as a “missed phone call,” can lead to the breakdown of that trust. For others, its not trust that they find that hardest aspect to deal with. Carrie Stevens, a sophomore at Virginia Tech is also in her second year of a long-distance relationship. “Missing out on the everyday things is the hardest thing for me personally to deal with. Things like going to lunch, or just hanging out at the end of the day are impossible to do when you are separated by hundreds of miles,” she said. Mallory O’Brien, another sophomore from Virginia Tech finds dealing with the conflicts that come along with relationships the toughest part to deal with given the distance between the two. “When you get in a fight, you can’t just get up and go over there and make things better. You have to deal with it on the phone. All you have is conversation while you are apart,” she said. Although these valid points and a plethora more shed a dim light on the world of long-distance relationships, there are, believe it or not, various positive aspects to this kind of separation. “I think its made us appreciate each other more,” O’Brien said. “Since we don’t get to see each other very often, we cherish that times we do get to spend with one another a lot more.” Most couples do feel a sense of anticipation when they know they are to see their significant other face-to-face for a visit. This type of eagerness is often times absent in the everyday relationship where couples do in fact get to see one another on a daily basis. Stevens had the same sentiment when it came to the “pros” or long-distance dating life. “When you actually get to see each other, it’s extra special. The build up to the visit, and then the actual meeting makes the whole thing seem so much more important.” Another positive side to dating with distance, is the time the members have to pursue other interests. “You have more time to spend with your friends which is very important in college. You also have more time to invest in your education, or extracurriculars you might be interested in, if your partner is not there to consume most of your free time,” Stevens said. As is always the case, it is important to strike a balance between the various aspects of ones life. Between school, friends, a relationship, and extracurriculars to prepare one for the future, distance can often times aid in making these important distinctions. With the absence of see each other every day, distance removes one step from the equation and allows for more time to be focused on other equally important things. “Knowing that you can survive distance between each other helps to make the relationship stronger;” Zidenberg said. “It also makes you realize how much you actually care about that person while they are gone. It also allows you to see how serious the relationship is and if you want to, or in that case if you are able to continue and endure it, through the ups and down,” he said. It is important when deciding to embark on a situation like this, that one realizes there are two sides to every coin. There will good times, and inevitably bad times. It is ultimately important that each member decide what is important to them, and that the bad never outweighs the good. |