Semi-Happy Endings In between the outbursts of screaming, she breaks down and cries. All of her emotions are just pouring out of her like a dam that has just been cracked in half. She is consumed with anger, sadness, distress, confusion, along with some other things you just don’t understand. This train wreck that is your girlfriend could have been avoided if you had just worded your breakup a little better. Breaking up seems like a simple concept, but as the Carpenters so aptly put it – breaking up is hard to do. The only thing harder than breaking up is breaking up with a girl. “I think overall it’s just pretty hard to have a good breakup, because girls are crazy,” said Elana Hassett, 19. Girls can be as delicate as a flower, but also as frightening as a grizzly bear. So how does somebody go about breaking up with this grizzly bear flower? It can be extremely difficult because there are many factors with every breakup. However, there are several key guidelines that every guy should follow when breaking up with his girlfriend. The first step in a successful, effective breakup is making sure that you really want to break up. If there are troubles in the relationship, let your girlfriend know what is going on. “If he’s bored with the relationship he should tell the me first, instead of just flat-out breaking up with me. You know, give me a chance to spice things up,” said Holly Witte, 19. “I’d be mad if he just broke up with me out of the blue.” Also, certainty is key. If you are not sure that you want the relationship to be over, that can cause confusion later on that can harm the emotions of both parties. Evaluate your own emotions and the situation you are in and be sure that you want it to be over. Once the decision has been reached to go through with the break up, it is time to go through with the real thing. Foremost, the breakup has to be in person. Nearly every woman across the world will agree that face-to-face is the best way to go about it. Unless your girlfriend lives 5000 miles away and you only see her once every two years, do not break up via phone call, e-mail, instant message, etc. Next, you have to choose a suitable environment for where the breakup will occur. “Breaking up with someone in public is just a jerk thing to do. It’s embarrassing,” said Rachel St. John, 20. According to Shelby Bernard, 20, “ It should be somewhere familiar to the girl, but not somewhere that’s incredibly memorable.” A good place for the breakup is the girl’s home. “That way the guy can just leave and not worry about having his stuff thrown at him,” said Jamie Hong, 22. Once you have a location settled, it’s time to go through with the deed. Although your appearance won’t make that much of a difference to the girl, you don’t want to be too well groomed. “Dress doesn’t matter so much, but the nicer you look makes her feel worse,” said Lauren Wright, 20. When you meet with your girlfriend, give her a hug and sit down next to her. Avoid all kisses and other forms of physical contact that only couples engage in. This will serve as indicator of the reality of the situation. During the entire breakup, you must be sure to be respectful of the girl’s feelings and make sure that she knows you are being genuine as well. “Sincerity is key. Wording is important as well. I think a lot of the times guys figure that if the girl just hates them after all of it that it will just be easier,” said Bernard, “…harsh words tend to linger and ultimately make it worse.” Based on informal surveys, it seems that almost every woman believes that honesty is the best policy as far as explaining the reasons for the breakup. So when it is time to start telling your girlfriend what is going on, lay it out as truthfully and straightforward as possible. “Girls can tell when a guy is lying, and it’s only annoying because you never know why he really broke up,” said Erin Henry, 20. Do not throw out standard lines like “it’s not you, it’s me” or “can we just be friends,” because that never makes a girl feel better about the breakup. “I hate the line ‘can we just be friends.’ It just ticks me off,” said Wright. “If we weren’t friends before we started dating, there’s no reason why I’d want to be friends with a guy after we break up,” said St. John. When a girl is being broken up with, your friendship will not serve as a consolation prize. The best thing that you can do is acknowledge that it will be difficult to have any form of a relationship after the breakup, but that you are willing to try to start a friendship whenever the girl is ready. Make sure she knows that it will all move it her own pace from this point on. “Comfort her, tell her your expectations in a kind and general manner, and then leave. It is important that you go and give her time by herself,” said Bernard. After you exit, the most critical part of the breakup begins: the aftermath. “You shouldn’t just blow her off, but at the same time you have to make sure you’re not too present, especially if you don’t really see it going anywhere in the future,” said Bernard. “Check on the girl and make sure she is doing alright, but don’t be hanging around all the time.” “You cannot ever hookup with her afterwards or that will start messing with her head,” said Hassett. It doesn’t seem like a difficult concept to grasp, but it can be, especially when under the influence of excessive amounts of alcohol. In fact, when the two of you start spending time together again, you should avoid all situations that can lead to or be misconceived as romantic activities. This includes one on one dinners, movie dates, stargazing, etc. “Instead of hanging out with her one on one, go out with a group of people,” said Laura Day, 19, “But make sure she knows and accepts the terms of the friendship. You don’t want her to get upset if you are not paying full attention to her when you are out with your friends.” Spending time with mutual friends in groups will help her become more accustomed to spending time with you, but only on a friendly level. Eventually this will seem more ordinary to her than the normality she felt when she was dating you. Although every breakup is different, due to the circumstances and people involved, following this guide will leave you with the best relationship possible with your ex-girlfriend. Down the line she will acknowledge and respect how maturely you handled the breakup. She will be more open to having a friendship with you and less likely to hold a grudge. Please note that this guide merely serves as a reference document and does not in anyway suggest or recommend that you should breakup with girlfriend. |