“Cooler” Responsible For Hokies’ Big-Game Futility
by Neal Turnage
January 5, 2007

Don’t blame Sean Glennon and his four turnovers for Virginia Tech’s loss to Georgia in the Chick-fil-A Bowl.  Don’t blame the offensive line for it’s inability to block Charles Johnson and Quentin Moses or for its failure to open even the slightest of holes for Brandon Ore.  And don’t blame Tech’s no. 1 ranked defense for allowing more points in the game than it did over the Hokies’ entire six game winning streak.  Darker forces were working against Virginia Tech on that day, forces that guaranteed a loss even before the opening snap.

Vegas casinos have a nasty secret weapon against gamblers on an uncomfortably long winning streak. They send in the “cooler”.  If you’ve seen the excellent movie of the same name starring William H. Macy then you already know where I’m going.  The cooler is someone whose luck is so bad it’s contagious.  His very presence is enough to cool off the hottest of hands, hence the name.

I never really believed in curses, hexes or other such superstitious silliness, but I am now a firm believer in the cooler effect.  I’ve seen it first hand.  My former roommate, Jeremie, is a collegiate cooler.  What I used to dismiss as an unfortunate coincidence has become far to direct a correlation to ignore. 

As a student, Jerm’s bad luck was confined just to himself and his relationships.  A great guy who would do anything to help a friend, the kid could never catch a break when it came to the ladies.  And just like in the movie, when he found the right girl his luck changed.  Only instead of becoming a good luck charm to those around him, he just transferred his malaise onto an unsuspecting victim: the Virginia Tech football team.

The list of big games that Jeremie has killed for the Hokies looks like a police map riddled with thumbtacks indicating the scenes of the crimes.

• 2003-2004 – The week of his wedding the Hokies went into Morgantown ranked third in the nation.  The Mountaineers wound up thumping the Hokies, 28-7.  The next week, with the couple honeymooning in St. Lucia, Tech rebounded at home against no. two Miami.  When Jerm got back to town, he brought the jinx with him as the Hokies fell in four of the next five contests.  The only win came in overtime against lowly Temple.
• 2004-2005 – Despite two early losses, Tech went on a run and won the ACC championship in its first year in the league.  Jeremie, now living in Birmingham, Ala., decided it would be a good idea to make the short trip to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl.  It was his cooler effect that caused Brandon Pace to miss that 23-yard field goal.  The hex forced Jesse Allen to drop that fourth-down pass in the endzone.  Tech would fall to Auburn 16-13.
• 2005-2006 – Jerm went to two games that year.  First, he came to Blacksburg to see the Hokies take on Miami.  The Canes won by a score of 27-7.  Thinking that the curse couldn’t possibly work twice in the same season, Jeremie bought a ticket to the ACC championship game in Jacksonville against Florida State.  FSU was struggling mightily that year and limped into the game after losing three straight.  But nothing cures an opponent’s woes like Jeremie in the stands.  FSU used Beamerball against the Hokies, returned a punt for a TD and won 27-22. Jerm also bought the Marcus Vick jersey with the single orange sleeve.  We all know what happened there.

Which brings us to this season.  With the personnel issues and question marks at key positions, the Hokies didn’t need Jeremie’s curse to lose two regular season games.  But the Chick-fil-A Bowl should have been a lock.

In fact, at halftime I thought that he might not have made it to the stadium.  However, when UGA recovered the onsides kick I felt a chill run up my back and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  The cooler was in the house.

The dome kept the elements out and the air temperature inside was a perfect 72 degrees, but the Hokies had gone ice-cold.  It wasn’t their fault.  Blame Jeremie.

When you run into one of the coaches out in town or see the players in class next semester, congratulate them on a great season.  They did the best they could with what they had.  And if you hear that Jeremie is looking to buy a ticket, for the sake of a national championship, DON’T SELL HIM ONE!